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As promised, here's part two of my morning with Sybil Kuechler. Stay wild.
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Hey, guys! Today I want to announce my re-retirement from photography. I just discovered the effectiveness of AI for creating art, so I will be relying on that moving forward. You might think I actually traveled to and photographed the beautiful Zoey Luna, but no, you would be dead wrong. I simply asked HAL 9000 to generate 68 teasy photos of a sexual Australian woman with red hair, petite breasts and a perfectly round rump. This set of images is what he spat out. Well, I am impressed. Sadly, AI is very costly, so I still need you to fork over subscription fees. I truly appreciate the support. Now open the doors, HAL.
"I like Luci Pineda. She reminds me of this really sweet girl I used to know. I should have given her a chance, but I was too distracted by street ballin' and the rap game. Now that I have made more paper than I can spend and courted an endless list of thirsty bitches, I think I'm ready for someone like Luci. Someone who is going to slow life down for me. I have learned that the word 'love' is an empty container, only filled by kindness towards others and most importantly, towards ourselves. -Horst Simco"
I had to travel to San Diego to see this if this incredible, tall, hairy, freaky woman actually existed. Good news, she does! Dubsie could tell that the pandemic had taken its toll on my soul. She drove me to a nearby beach for some much needed relaxation. For a minute there, it felt like California was California again. But then someone asked for my preferred pronouns. Total buzzkill.
Happy Easter. Here is part dos of the lovely Gabbie Carter and our time at the Santa Monica Pier. We did not really go. This all photoshopped. I actually shot the entire gallery at a professional studio with three assistants on-hand. I love to slackline, which is what Gabbie is doing towards the end of the gallery. It takes time to learn and you must fail countless times before any significant success.
"The Call Her Daddy host asked what she considered a profound question. Can you think of a law that gives the government the power to make a decision about a man's body? The absent-minded presidential candidate, chuckled and said she couldn't think of any. Some critics might present obvious arguments like an involuntary military draft or perhaps even imprisonment, but what about something as simple as narcotics use? I am pretty sure the government tells us all that if we ingest certain chemicals, we become criminals. Hell, Tommy Chong got 9 months for selling bongs! And what about it being unlawful to drop a deuce on your own front yard? Too many damn rules. So ladies, don't worry. You're not being singled out here."
"Sammy Loble might be full of herself, but she might also have reason to be. We give attractive people everything while they are at their peak, and very little once we recognize their beauty's decline. It is a cruel game that only offers temporary victories. Ultimately, each player loses everything and goes home in tears. So maybe Sammy is on to something. Maybe we should all have portraits of ourselves on our walls."
"She is rare like a solar eclipse. We will call her Vaemis Kory and this is her intro. More to come for sure. Try to keep it together, boys."
Introducing Melba Chastain. Her eyes were so distracting that I ended up forgetting my camera bag at this health food store in Santa Monica. Fortunately for me, even an evil place like LA still has some good people in it. The bag was returned and I lived another day to create captivating smut for the world. More Melba to come.
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Part 2 has arrived of this exquisite woman photographed by Max. The war continues and is disgusting to me when viewed from any angle--the exact opposite of how I feel about Lana Lane. Shit is gonna get better, I think. And if it doesn't, then that means today is the best day of the rest of our lives. Enjoy it. See you in 2024.
I photographed Hopeless SoFrantic in Los Angeles. She is a nice person and really easy to get along with. She loves animals and is a vegan. As sweet as she is though, she is a living organism and will have to eat other living organisms in order to survive on this planet. That's just how the rules are written. Hopeless says she inherited her large natural breasts and light frame from her mother, who also did some modeling in her youth. Our future looks Hopeless.